April 13, 2016 • CULTURE

On Southern Gossip: A Little Bird Told Me…

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Draper James a Little Bird Told Me Tee and Ryman Jacket.

Everyone knows the South is a small town that spans from Dallas to Greenville and Franklin to Atlanta. Which means that from the grocery store to the pool, the doctor’s office, and even church, everybody knows your name. For better and—let’s face it—for worse, someone, somewhere sees, and they’ve already gone and told your mama.

In fact, just today when I was picking up a cake for Nell Owens’ little girl’s christening, a little bird told me. . .

  • Anne Helen Van Horn was getting a perm at the salon in the old Sears-Roebuck, you know the one? Well, she saw Carleen McDowell getting a “special conditioner.” I told you that girl was not a natural blonde, but you just did not believe me.
  • You know that Anna-Booth Kipling got married last July. Can you believe I saw her dropping off her thank you notes just today? It’s true; she was standing in line right in front of Zelda Robinson with a big ole pile of monogrammed stationery at the Jefferson Street P.O.
  • Last Friday, Cricket Beausoleil saw your cousin leaving the movies with Calvin Tomlison’s boy. I thought your daddy didn’t allow her to associate with them, what with the whole thing from the homecoming parade in 1979. I had half a mind to call him right then!
  • I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, but hand to God, Eloise Dunlap told me that she saw Davis Robeson out on a date with Edie Finch last weekend. Didn’t he used to go out with Imogene Smither? The two of them were thick as thieves back at Miss Harper’s School of Dance. I’m frankly surprised at him!
  • You know I’d rather cut my own tongue out that speak ill of Josephine Hardin, but did you see what she wore to Knox Hadley’s auntie’s funeral? I guess that’s the style these days.
  • One thing I do know for sure is that Luella Mason aims to paint her front door black. I told her right away that the neighborhood association wouldn’t even consider it, but she couldn’t be persuaded! She hauled out some godawful paint chips—blue-black and black-black and gray-black! There is no telling that girl anything.

But there’s plenty to tell the rest of ya’ll.